dadamoop

The Toaster: The best bath bomb!

The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

Whats the only good thing about being an orphan? All snacks are family sized!

Why were 9/11 victims so mad? The ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds

Whats the difference between a priest and McDonalds?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

What do you call the whole population turning into emos?

The Great Depression.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind though he was your long lost sibling. (me)

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

How do win an argument against an emo? Kick the chair!