Food jokes
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
Banana bread is cute.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why do orphans love chips?
Because every bag of chips is family size.
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized.
Why are butts salty?
Because there buttered!
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Why can't orphans bake?
They don't have milk.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.