Family jokes
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"