Family jokes

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

My sister is so short she can't walk.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

What type of pictures do orphans take?

Selfies.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

I am an orphan...

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Why do orphans become criminals?

To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.