Family jokes

Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

Does a midget count as an orphan?

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find their home.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?

A: Monoxide Child.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Orphan: I'm hungry.

Dad: Let's go to KFC.

Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.