Family jokes
Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.