Family jokes
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
What do you call an orphan?
Kyan.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Q: What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
A: A baseball field has a home base.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."