Family jokes

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because the iPhone X doesn't have a home button.

My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.

My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.