Family jokes
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel has family.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Memes
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
What is a show an orphan will never be able to relate to?
"Full House".
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
A baseball player has a home to run to.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home base.
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.