Family

Family jokes

Orphan

    • Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.

    Family memes

    Orphan

    • Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?

    Because they don't have a family to go with.

    Baby

    • Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.

    They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...

  • 0

    • Son

    • Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

    They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

  • 1

    • Incest

    • Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."

  • 6

    • Cake

    • Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

    So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

    So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

  • 0

    • Prank

    • Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

  • 8

    • Alphabet

    • Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

    Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

    The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

    As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

  • 3

    • Tattoo

    • Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

    But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

    Brother

    • Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

    Mom: When?

    Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

    Mom: Sooo?

    Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

    Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

  • 1