Family jokes

BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.

Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.