Family

Family jokes

Cowgirl

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Orphan

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

Sibling

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

Incest

Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.

With their brother.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Gang Rape

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

Cancer

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Incest

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?