Family jokes
Why was the orphan so good at baseball?
Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."
What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite porn site?
A: Motherless.
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.
Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.
Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?
Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?
One is hope and the other is soap.
In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"
Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."
Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"
Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"
The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"
The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."
The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"
"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
Girl: "Daddy!"
Father: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"
Father: "Mhm!"
Woman: "Daddy?"
Father: "Of course?"
Woman: "I'm a girl too!"
Father: "Does God love children?"
Boy: "Yessss..."
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.