Family

Family jokes

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Gang Rape

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

Cancer

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Michael Jackson

What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Richard Pryor?

One was burned by Pepsi. The other burned by coke. Richard Pryor married and had kids, and Michael Joseph Jackson molested kids.

Incest

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Why can't the orphan take a family photo?

Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"