Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
My fucking life, cya.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
Canβt believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to βfuck off.β In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
"911, whatβs your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
βI think my daddy want to kill me,β the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughterβs voice.
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
