Act Jokes

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo

Cutting-edge Technology

if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting. it isn't any of those if it's suicide.

My Xbox has been acting up lately...

So I painted it black to make it run faster

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to because they were born without a penis

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it’s family?

A self-fie

“I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in awhile, but you’re really abusing that privilege.”

ur mum so old that when i told her to act her age, she died

I saw this one quote of the people who smile the most are covering the most pain I think this is true just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends but with my parents and family I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do. I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe 22/24 but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate saying I would tell her that my depression got worse she went along with it but I haven't told my mum and I know make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist

I've always been suicidal ,some might say why haven't I actually done the act ,I'll just say well I hate myself to much so I though I stay around for the punishment of staying alive

Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back

Bully...you such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger

What do magicians and prostitutes have in common? Answer: disappearing acts

There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."