What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it’s family?

A self-fie

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why don’t you act like an amoeba and split.

Actor 1: "I’m Micheal with a b and I hate insects" Actor 2: 'Wheres the b?" Actor 1: “THERE’S A BEE!!!”

Bully…you such an asshole. Me… Acting like a dick won’t make yours any bigger

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have? Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you. Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you. Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies than day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan

I guy entered to a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching crossed the books and the librarian asked him. Librarian… what are you looking for ? Man …I am looking for a book!! Librarian… Which book ?? Man … FACEBOOK.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl gos on stage: break a leg!

Rachel: alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

What do magicians and prostitutes have in common? Answer: disappearing acts

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut 🥜

I love my dog 🐕

Paddys beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 yrs they have been married . The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex and a cool breeze may help . Being a bit of a cheapo , he decides not to buy a fan , but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act . After half an hour, still no sign of success so his mate suggests swapping places . ’ I’ll have a try Paddy , you waft the towel ' Paddy agrees , and after two or three minutes Paddys wife has a moment of sexual pleasure screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years . Paddy taps his mate Mick on teh shoulder and says ‘And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel’ !

Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy? A: Because it was on crack.

Guy 2 whispering : oh i got tired of acting gay

Guy 1: i heard you, why are you acting gay ?

Guy 2: to attract gays and then give them an advice

Guy 1: so what’s your advice to me ?

Guy 2: that i just know you’re gay

LoL xD

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class. And then he said, “Hey you donkey.” I said, "Thank you, I’m so happy that I’m something, not nothing like you. And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular. Sorry

Is your tap water running well you

Beta go catch it

YOMAMA so… Wait… Who’s Mother Am I Speaking Of?

S,ss,slalom A

If you spin a fidget spinner You’ll end up spinning it too fast when you end up spinning it too fast It will make you fly away when you fly away you’ll end up in a tree when you end up in a tree You’ll see that your friends are hanging out without you When you see that your friends are hanging out without you You’ll run away in the woods because your sad When you ran away in the woods you’ll see a bear when you see a bear it will chase you when the bear chases you you’ll build a fort to protect yourself when you build a fort to protect yourself You than notice your lonely You’ll become friends with the bear When you become friends with a bear, you’ll start to act like a bear when you start to act like a bear You will become a bear DO NOT BECOME A BEAR NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER

What is the difference between the human rights act of tyty