What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?
Cutting-edge Technology.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
