End jokes
Can I get a building license?
It's the end of the world!
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Roses are red,
Lilies are white,
One race ends up dead
And the other ends up bright.
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Where does bad light end up at?
In prism.