Distance jokes
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.