Distance jokes
You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.
Your hairline is so far back it took a trip to America.
Your hairline is so long that Odell Beckham Jr. missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away!
Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
"Mine is 3 inches."
"That's not very lo..."
"From the ground."
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.
Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
Someday you'll go far.
Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.
Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.