Distance Jokes

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.

"Mine is 3 inches."

"That's not very lo..."

"From the ground."

Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead. 😁

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.

Your hairline is so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back.

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

Someday you'll go far.

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.

What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?

They both don’t work.

Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.