“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.

Why’d the snake cross the road? It was in the chickens butt.

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.