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“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn’t strong enough to lift either of them.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.

Why’d the snake cross the road? It was in the chickens butt.

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.