Distance jokes
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Someday you'll go far.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.
But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"