Distance jokes
Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.
"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah"?
About 3 inches.
P.S. Please comment and like!
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.