Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Measure Jokes
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.
Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
If I measured your forehead, it would be 100,000,000,000,000,000 miles long.
If you measured your hairline with a protractor, it would show 90 degrees.
Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Yo forehead is so big, Albert Einstein couldnāt figure out the measurement of it!
What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.