Distance jokes
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
This city slicker broke down on a country road. He looked around, and in the distance, he spotted a farm house. When he finally got there, he asked the farmer if he had a phone he could use because his had no reception.
The farmer told him he could use it if he married his daughter. The guy said he really didn’t wanna get married, and the farmer said, "If you marry my daughter, I’ll give you half my farm..." The guy said, "Lemme see her..." The farmer hollered, “Hey you, get over here...” and she said, “Duh, ok.” The ol' boy looked at her and said, "Nooo thank you."
The father said, “I’ll give you all my farm and my bank account if you’ll marry my daughter....” The ol' boy thought for a minute and said, “Well I guess I can put a sack over her head.” So they married and the farmer kept his word and gave him everything.
One day the guy was up fixin' the roof and hollered, “Hey you, get me some nails...” His wife said, “Duh, nails, nails?” He said, “Yes, nails,” and showed her one. She said, “Oh, duh, nails, nails.” He said, “Yes, nails.” So she got him some. He was hammering away when he hit his thumb, and he yells, “Oh F*** it!” and she turned and hollered, “Duh, a sack, a sack, duh, a sack!”
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
Your hairline goes so far back, even the Proclaimers wouldn't walk there.
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah"?
About 3 inches.
P.S. Please comment and like!
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
I had to take the underground just to get from your forehead to your hairline, they're so far apart!!!
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Yo mama so fat, she likes long, romantic walks to the refrigerator.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.