Diet jokes
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
They eat the bat.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
Why does my mum eat carrots?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!