Diet jokes

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?

Freeze burgers.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

What do you call a cow with no toes?

Lac-toes intolerant.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.

(I love oil!)

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

What is an obese lady's blood type?

Nutella.

What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.

But if you're vegan, you call him food.

If you're poor, you eat the skin.

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

Why does my mum eat carrots?

One time I ate a chair.