Diet jokes
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Bean.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Never eat more than you can lift.
What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.