Diet jokes
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.