Diet jokes
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Fat.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.