Diet jokes
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Rabbit poop is cereal.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
Why can't blind people have a seafood diet?
They have to see food to eat.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.