Penguin jokes
I like penguins.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Snow caps!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What did the zoo say to the snow ❄️? Get lost!
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.