Penguin

Penguin Jokes

Fish

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they don’t have pockets. I’m

Cow

Teacher: Describe a penguin.

Student: Black, white, beak.

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

Nun

A guy runs into a bar and yells, β€œQuick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, β€œThree feet tall.”

The guy says, β€œOh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

Cow

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Titanic

A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.

Newspaper

What's black and white and read all over?

A newspaper.

What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?

A penguin falling down the stairs.

Man

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

House

How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!

Nun

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

Cow

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, β€œHave you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

β€œYeah,” the other cow says. β€œMakes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Zoo

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.