Diet jokes
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Never eat more than you can lift.
What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"