Diet jokes
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Why does my mum eat carrots?
One time I ate a chair.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!