"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Diet Jokes
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"
"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
