Deception jokes
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. 👹
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"
Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?