April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?
The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
I gave a blind kid a gun, telling him it was a hair drier.
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.
Then, she asked me flirtatiously,
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet."
She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,
"Mom, are you still awake?"
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
