My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
Went to see a psychic the other day.
I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"
So I turned around and left.
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
