Death jokes

Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

A blind guy shot up a town.

I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.