Death jokes
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.