Death jokes

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

SPOILER ALERT...

I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Ni-tro-gen!

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.