Death jokes
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What do you call a 6 year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
I was going to tell a dead baby joke...
I decided to abort.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.