Death jokes
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
What’s George Floyd’s favorite color? Neon black.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Why did the orphan like milk?
Because their parents went to get milk and never came back!
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Rust in peace.
I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.
"Let go of my nose!"
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."