Death jokes

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

A bath bomb.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.

I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Why is Death the world's biggest slut?

Death gets to f*** everyone.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.