Death jokes

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

Why is Death the world's biggest slut?

Death gets to f*** everyone.

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.