Death jokes

Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)

Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

What was the first thing Thanos snapped?

Loki’s neck.

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.

I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)

Why is Death the world's biggest slut?

Death gets to f*** everyone.

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.