Death jokes
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
hehehe
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.