Death jokes

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.

Most people smother babies with love.

I smother them with pillows.

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.

Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?

Mother: He died.

Daughter: How did he die?

Mother: He never got recharged.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.

Why can't dinosaurs talk?

Because they are all dead.

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.