Death jokes
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.