Death jokes

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.