Death jokes
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Did yall know this?
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
What instrument can a skeleton never play? An organ.
So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.