Death jokes
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.