Death jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Di.

Di who?

See, easily forgotten.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."