Death jokes

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?

Because he’s dead.

What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?

The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.

My dog died today. 😥

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

I'm dead serious about Kobe: Kobe in heaven...

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

"Death to the west!"

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.

What do you call a dad without a dad joke?

Dead.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends.