Death jokes
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?
The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,
he is my only motivation for trying again.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
My dog died today. 😥
Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
John F. Kennedy may rest in pieces.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.