Death jokes

Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

What song does Kobe Bryant hate?

"Rocky Mountain High."

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

I don't want to die.

I put the fun in funeral.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.