Death jokes

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?

A dead cripple.

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

I am a dead baby. -end joke-