Death jokes
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
What do you call an orphan's parents?
Dead meat.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
John F. Kennedy may rest in pieces.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!