Death jokes

What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

Roses are red.

My soul is black.

I am never getting my dad back.

Did you hear about the dead artist?

Too many strokes.

What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?

Stephen Hawking's coffin.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.

Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.