Death jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.