Death jokes
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Sayo-nara.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.