Death jokes
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Sayo-nara.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When did Michael say, "This is it"?
2009.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."