Death jokes
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
I wish you guys all died.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building? A cliffhanger.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)