Death jokes

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

What's worse than 10 babies is one dumpster...

1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.

Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.

I’m only curious how they closed his casket.

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

Where do orphans have their family reunions?

The graveyard.

This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

TommyInnit said, "Long live the Queen." Look at where she's at now.

Why did Michael Jackson die?

Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

He got ran over by a bus.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!