The optimistic midget's coffin was half full.
Death Jokes
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
"Kobe is known for fade aways too bad he faded away."
Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
What do emos do?
Hang.
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
You're so ugly that I choked and died.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
"Death to the west!"
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
