Death jokes

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

"Death to the west!"

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

"Knock, knock."

"Orphan: Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.

When does an emo get jealous at a phone?

When it dies.

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?

A. "Till I Collapse."

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!