I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Death Jokes
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me, I can't remember where I buried them.
When does an emo get jealous at a phone?
When it dies.
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.
Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!
Yo momma is so ugly, she gets rejected by dead people.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
