Death jokes
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.