Death jokes
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Memes
Did yall know this?
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.