Death jokes

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It doesn't matter, he's dead.

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

Why did Technoblade die?

'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.