What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
Death Jokes
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Sayo-nara.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
I put the fun in funeral.
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
