Death jokes

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

I wish you guys all died.

What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?

His life insurance.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

Could never understand why people would say Stephen Hawking is a dead man walking.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.

The police: You finally figured it out.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

George Floyd was in a TV show, Fresh Prince, with no air.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.

An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.