Dating jokes
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
My love life.
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]