Dating jokes

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.

Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

I always enjoy family reunions.

It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...