Dating jokes
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What's the difference between parking a car and finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody finds out.
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
Their family portrait is also a dating app.
Dating a German is great because they don't play mind games; they just provide a detailed, 40-page PDF explaining exactly why you are wrong.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.
I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?
Nutella!
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.