Honey

Honey jokes

Lesbian

    • Daughter: Dad.

    Dad: Yes honey?

    Daughter: I'm lesbian.

    Dad: Ok.

    Daughter 2: Dad.

    Dad: Yes?

    Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.

    Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?

    Son: I do...

  • 23

    • Mistake

    • A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

  • 2

    • Misunderstanding

    • A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

  • 7
    • Honey memes

    Teeth

    • The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

    The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

    "Yellow and far apart."

  • 1

    • Gay

    • Girls Are Yummy Stupid

    Are Really Erectable

    Tasty Honey Ejaculable

    Booty Everything Sucking Titties

    Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D

  • 9

    • Paternity

    • A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

  • 5

    • Cancer diagnosis

    • My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

    Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

  • 0

    • Boy

    • This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

    He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

  • 0

    • Cinderblock

    • There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

  • 65

    • Shit

    • One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

    Waitress

    • So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

  • 4

    • Lol

    • Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

    Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

    Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

    Stacy: lol

    Divorce

    • The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

  • 0