Dating jokes
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"
Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.