Log jokes

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

[god creating alligators]

God: See that log?

Angel: Yes...?

God: Now fill it with teeth.

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!

How do trees get online? -- They just log in.

How does he go for a poo? He logs out.

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

How did Steven Hawking die?

He forgot his log on password.

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.

My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?

Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??

Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

The Windows XP log out sound.

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣