Dating Jokes

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

😶‍🌫️

The image is a four-panel meme. In the left panels, a man is crying. The first panel says, "Santa, I want a dragon." The second panel says, "Ok! I want a girlfriend." The right panels show Santa. In the first panel, he says, "Be realistic." In the second panel, he says, "Which colour dragon do you need?" Underneath the last panels, it says, "Forever alone" with a laughing emoji.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his ass.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”