when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
What do milk and make a wish kids have in common , they both have expire dates.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
why do people like dating us emo girls? because of the texture on our thighs
today, i asked my phone, "siri why am i still single" and it activated the front camera
What is a pedophile's favourite dating site? Kinder
Dating a striper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down inside they want some too.
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".
Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later
Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.
Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
Why do I only date orphans? Because they never have daddy issues
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date.
