Dating jokes

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his ass.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?