Dating jokes
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
Fine, then if I can't do Gwen, then I guess it is Tenya and Kenya. #Twin sisters! Tenya and Kenya!
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
O Dario tem namorada?
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.