Dark Humor

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?

A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

Wanna hear a joke?

Rape.

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.

What's a school shooter's favorite anime?

Assassination Classroom.

What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

I want a bigger couch.

Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

This joke is so dark, I need life.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.