Dark Humor

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

What is red and white and goes 200 mph?

A baby in a blender.

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.

Too bad he left him hanging.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.