Danger jokes
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
uh oh
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name: Ghostiano Penaldo
Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium
Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Last found - Practicing tap ins.
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.
Might be dangerous towards good players.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?
Everywhere.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!