Danger jokes
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
The toaster;
otherwise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.