Danger jokes
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
I was looking forward to some toast...
So I took the toaster in the bath with me.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.