I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Danger Jokes
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
Bomb.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
