Danger jokes
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Bomb.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.