Dad jokes
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
Thereās also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasnāt told me that though. I'll research that.
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and seeās her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
Memes
What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
Child: Hello, I canāt find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both canāt be found.
Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
My dad said people shouldnāt get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.